Part 1 Section 1: Hygiene

Good hygiene is the foundation of taking care of your body. If your body is dirty it may develop sores and infections besides also having an unpleasant aroma. Sometimes it is easy to let hygiene slide by the wayside, play video games instead of taking a shower or get a few more minutes of sleep if you skip brushing your teeth. When you are tempted to do this, think of a homeless person on the street and remind yourself that you don't have to be mistaken for one. If you have a job and a home, why should you smell and look like you've been stuck in the same clothes for a week or more because you have. You have the opportunity to have better, so take it.


1. Oral Hygiene
This isn't difficult and doesn't actually take a lot of time or currency. Toothbrushes, toothpaste, tongue scrapers, mouthwash, and floss are not expensive, but going to the dentist and having your rotten teeth ripped out of your head is. According to the American Dental Association, you should brush your teeth twice a day, at least once before going to bed, and use floss and mouthwash once a day to maintain the health of your mouth. A whitening toothpaste will help keep your smile bright and beautiful, but cutting out cigarettes, red wine, coffee, cola, and other staining food/drink will also help keep your pearly whites shining.

To figure out if you have bad breath, take a spoon and gently scrape it along your tongue from back to tip. Let it dry. If the spoon smells bad, you're got bad breath and should use a tongue scraper or similar product to help remove excess odor causing bacteria from your mouth.

A lovely smelling, healthy mouth is important in talking, breathing near other people, and kissing. If you have a non-lovely mouth, you probably won't be doing much of any of these things, especially the last one.

2. Showers
Take a shower every other day as a general rule. If you notice that you are dirty before your next scheduled shower, take a shower. If you notice other people standing further away from you when talking face to face than with other people, you probably smell bad and need to get clean, this is not the fault of other people, it's your fault and is easy to rectify.

Showering need not be expensive or lengthy. Most shampoos contain the same ingredients, so one of those expensive shampoos is not necessary, but in the end you should use what makes your hair feel nice. Do NOT use a two in one shampoo/conditioner unless your hair is shorter than half an inch. If you have dandruff (that means visible flakes of skin that come off of your scalp and land on your clothes) use an anti-dandruff shampoo like Head & Shoulders. When shampooing, get your hair thoroughly wet, then put a dollop of shampoo in your hand about the size of a quarter (about 1-2 tablespoons, but you'll have to use more if you have hair past your elbows) and massage into your hair and scalp. Not all shampoos form a lather, so don't use that as a judge if the shampoo is all worked in, use your hands and feel where the shampoo is. Make sure that the shampoo is in all of your hair before rinsing out the shampoo completely If your hair feels oily, wash again, if your hair feels squeaky, time to condition. Use the same amount of conditioner as shampoo. Work the conditioner into the hair paying particular attention to the ends (that's the part furthest away from the scalp). Let the conditioner sit for a few moments to work in the moisture. Rinse completely.

A nubbly washcloth and liquid body wash are the most hygienic ways to get your body clean. Stay away from bar soap as your dead skin cells can get trapped in the soap and promote bacteria growth. A loofa poof is a good alternative to a washcloth, but you have to make sure that the loofa is on a inorganic material, so it won't rot, and is rung dry when you exit the shower. If you use a washcloth, make sure that it is rinsed out completely, rung out, and hung to dry after use outside of the shower. You should only use clean washcloths when you shower, so have a few and rotate them out until laundry day when you can just pop the dirty ones into the machine (remember to let washcloths dry completely before putting into the laundry bin to avoid mildew and mold).

If you shave, either do it in the shower or right after, when the hair is at its softest and the skin most malleable. Take it slowly, this is not a race. Going fast can result in nasty cuts for no good reason. Never use a razor that is rusty or dull as you are more likely to get nicked and will be prone to infection and/or ingrown hairs. If you notice razor bumps (small red bumps after shaving sensitive areas, like the crotch or the neck) then your razor is dirty and you should clean the razor blade with a liquid anti-septic, like hydrogen peroxide or bacitracin, before using. Using shaving cream or shaving gel is a good idea for areas where you do not need to stretch taut the skin, like the face, underarms, legs, and chest, but does not work well on the crotch because it makes it too slippery to hold any flaps of skin. If using shaving cream, only use a thin layer because anything that isn't touching the skin is just wasted and clogs the blade. If your hair is longer than several days growth, trim the hair before shaving. Nicks and cuts should be taken care of immediately with a small piece of tissue paper to soak up the blood and act as a clot to stop the bleeding. If it is a severe cut, apply pressure until the bleeding stops. When done shaving, clean cuts with an anti-microbial product (like a q-tip dipped in hydrogen peroxide). If necessary, apply a topical anti-biotic (like Neosporin) and a small bandage. Cuts should be a rare occurrence when shaving properly and if you notice more than one cut per shave, you need to: use a new razor blade, go slower, use a mirror for difficult to see spots, and don't press too hard with the razor. Bellow are instructions for shaving specific areas.

When shaving the face, go with the grain of the hair (hair grows in a specific direction, called the grain) and start at the sides, doing under your nose and the neck last. To get sideburns even, point your fingers at the base of each sideburn with your elbows out, this will allow you to see if they are at the same height in the mirror. Shave with few long stokes rather than many short strokes to reduce irritation. Do not use an aftershave as it is an irritant, instead use a moisturizer. If the residue from the shaving gel leaves you feeling irritated or dirty, wash your face now, if not then wash your face at the opposite time of day (if you shower in the morning, wash your face before bed; if you shower before bed, wash your face in the morning). Finish with a gentle moisturizer, don't use an after shave with alcohol as it is likely to cause irritation and inflammation of the shaved area.

When shaving the underarms, shave against the grain. To do this, lift the arm to expose the pit and use your other hand to hold the razor, then draw the blade down (not across) then up (again, not across). This up and down technique should get all of the hair and give a close shave. In the unlikely even that you notice irritation with this technique, shave with the grain of the hair by starting in the middle of the pit where the hair grows straight out and then shaving down and again start in the middle and shave up. The main benefit to shaving under the arms is that they tend to smell less since deodorant/antiperspirant can reach the skin to get better coverage and the top most layer of skin is removed, along with all of the grime/sweat/bacteria/etc. that has collected there. Wait a few minutes after showering to put on your deodorant/antiperspirant as putting it on too soon can cause irritation (that would be an unpleasant burning sensation).

Shaving the legs requires long strokes, starting at the ankle and moving up to the knee against the grain of the hair. When shaving over the knee and along the shin be very careful as these bony areas are more prone to nicks so remember to go slower in these areas. To make the shin easier, pull the calf muscle to one side with your non-razor holding hand to move the skin to one side of the shin bone protrusion and shave, then move the calf muscle to the other side and shave the skin that has been moved to the other side of the shin. For the knee, use shorter strokes and only shave the knee with it bent. It is socially normative in the United States for women to shave the lower legs to just bellow the knee or just over, but it is not required if the legs are not seen, such as in pants. It is less common to shave the thighs as there tends to be less visible hair there on women, but if you are a particularly hairy person who wants to wear a short skirt, it is highly recommended. It is less common for men to shave their legs and doing so is likely to bring about the assumption that the shaved man is a swimmer. The main reason to shave the legs is to make wearing hosiery more comfortable to wear and for sex appeal. There are women who do not shave their legs for various reasons and men who choose to shave for many different reasons, but if you choose to go this route, be ready to defend your decision and don't let the closed minded nature of strangers hurt your feelings with callous statements. It is recommended that if you have difficulty talking to strangers or new people, that you conform to certain socially normative actions to allow the greatest chance of successful social interactions.

Shaving the chest is a less common activity and is more dependent on personal preference than socially normative behavior. If you identify as female and have an issue with chest hair, I would recommend waxing or laser hair hair removal as hairy cleavage is not considered sexy by very many people and these methods are a more long term solution. Also, stubble on the chest is probably not the best look and is probably uncomfortable when under a bra. As for those who identify as male and have a chest hair issue, shaving is an option, but consider less extreme manscaping (the manipulation of male body hair) such as trimming, as an alternative to going completely bare. If you do want to go completely bare, an electric razor is an easier tool to use. Here are fantastic directions on how to shave your chest. Oh, and don't use a permanent marker if you choose to draw on your nipple "safety barrier" as in the Timothy Weinert video at left, use one that you can wash off.

Shaving your crotch is something some people find embarrassing to talk about, so I'm here to share the scoop. If you can see pubic hairs sticking out of your swimsuit in any direction, then you should get rid of the hair in those spots. If you are a woman and your bikini looks like you're hiding something in it, then you need to trim the hair down there so that it does not distort the fabric. It is becoming more common, especially in porn, that women are completely bare down there, but it is not the only way to be. The main reasons to shave (or wax or use laser hair removal) on the groin is that it diminishes the crotch smell, makes it easier to keep the area clean (especially for people with vaginas), increases sensitivity of the area, and is visually pleasing. If you like your hair down there, keep it, so long as you also keep it in check. This means that there should be no pubic hair creeping out onto your legs or your belly if you identify as female and there should never be a fro down there no mater what gender you identify as.  If you do choose to shave your crotch, remember to trim before you shower if the hair is longer than a quarter inch to make for less work from the razor and less chance of cutting yourself. The top part is easiest because the skin is naturally taut there, so shave against the grain (that means up for most people) over the taut areas first. Next, stretch those floppier bits of skin (like the scrotum or the outer labia, depending on which genitals you have) so that you can get at the hair and not cut that sensitive skin. Remember that there is hair even where you can't see, like around the anus, so squat down to shave difficult to reach areas. The areas you can't see will have be shaved by feel, so use one hand to detect and the other to shave it. Often times you will later find that you have missed a spot, not to worry, go back and get it if you can and just leave it for next time if you can't.

3. Face Care
Wash you face to clear up pimples, shed dead skin cells that dull the complexion, and remove grime that builds up every day from environmental factors, like pollution. Cleaning your face is a three part process: 1) Cleanse 2) Tone 3) Moisturize. There is also a once weekly exfoliate that you will do in place of the cleanse. The steps should be pretty quick once you get the hang of it, 15 seconds to lather your face, 5 seconds to tone, 10 seconds to moisturize. Overall it should take about 5 to 10 minutes the first few times and once it has become a habit it will go much faster. There are a lot of products out there that are for each step, I would recommend a gentle liquid cleanser that has the word "daily" somewhere in the title, an alcohol-free toner, and a light feeling unscented face moisturizer with SPF of 15 to 30 for the morning and a creamier feeling unscented face moisturizer without any SPF for night. Wearing a moisturizer with an SPF rating every day will help fight skin cancer as well as other skin damage. For those concerned with wrinkles around the eyes, an eye creme is good, just remember to use a small amount and to dab the product onto the delicate skin around and under the eyes, don't smear it on. Serums are designed to sink into the skin and repair damage from within, so use a serum if you are serious about getting your skin healthy. One thing to keep in mind, there are inexpensive versions.

Start your cleansing routine by pulling back your hair so that the entire face is exposed, a headband is perfect for this if you have short hair and a hair tie if it is long hair. Moisten the face with warm water, not hot or cold. The warm water will open up pores and allow you to get more dirt out of them without causing damage to the capillaries. Close your mouth like you're saying the letter M and breathe through your nose to avoid ingesting any cleanser and to stretch out the skin to allow the cleanser better access to the area around the lips. Massage the cleansing product into the face in circular motions with your fingertips, paying particular attention to the nose, forehead, and around the lips, while avoiding the eye orbital. Close eyes and wash away the cleanser with warm water. Pat dry face. Once face is dry, apply an alcohol free toner with a cotton ball to close pores back up. This will help keep new dirt from entering pores. When the toner is dry (your face will stop feeling cool), it is time to apply moisturizer. If you are using a serum or an under eye cream, now is the time to do it. To moisturize, apply a pea sized dollop of moisturizer to your clean fingertips and rub your fingertips together so that there is moisturizer on all of the fingertips, but not the palms of your hands. Begin with the forehead and use gentle tapping motions to disperse the moisturizer onto your face and neck. Once the moisturizer is on you face, it is time to gently rub it in with upwards and outwards motions (think of a gentle pulling motion rather than a squishing one).  

how to moisturize face

Moisturizer is something you should apply in the morning and at night to help keep skin from getting dry. If you notice that your skin is still dry, you may need to move your cleansing and toning to every other day. Blemishes should begin clearing up by the two week mark of having a daily cleansing routine. Any larger skin issues, such as profuse or stubborn blemishes, should be addressed by a dermatologist. It is important to be confident in your skin and a dermatologist can diagnose and prescribe treatment options to get you your face back. They are not scary people and are trained professionals. Also, they have probably seen way worse than you have going on. 

Any prolonged sun exposure should be met with sunscreen, a hat, and sunglasses to protect your face. If you really love the tan look, go for the fake tan. Just be sure not to go too extreme or you may turn more orange than intended. There are professional spray on tanning salons that would be happy to give you that sculpting glow. 

Part 1: The Body

The body is your physical representation of your self. When interacting with outers face to face, which should be something to do at least once a week, it is important to put your best foot forward. There is a great analogy that a friend shared with me: would you give your credit card numbers to a website that looks like it's from the 90's and has broken links? No. So why would a person want to give you their time, which is a precious and limited commodity, if you are dirty, smell bad, have no style, and have an aura of creepiness? They wouldn't unless they also have these characteristics. 

There is a solution, but it takes effort and time, both precious and limited commodities. There are small steps and big steps and it is all dependent on where you currently are and where you want to get to. I'll start with the most vital things and move down the list, but note that none of these areas should be ignored completely, simply put on the back burner while you work on those most vital things. Once the vital things are incorporated into your life, then you can move on down the list with confidence because you have taken those very difficult first steps with success. Don't worry if it takes a while for these things to become a part of your everyday existence, change is difficult, but difficult challenges are often the most rewarding when overcome.

Introduction

The goal of this blog is to instruct people who have a difficult time interacting with others on how to improve their social interactions, in essence: to become more successful human beings. 

Individual efforts are wonderful, but it is unhealthy to the mind to be alone all the time, whether the isolation is imposed as punishment or self-imposed due to fears. Human beings are social animals, so much so that there is an entire branch of science dedicated to analyzing our social interactions. 

It can be quite lonely to be separate from the social interactions humans tend to enjoy. Aristotle said in Politics, “Man is by nature a social animal; an individual who is unsocial naturally and not accidentally is either beneath our notice or more than human. Society is something that precedes the individual. Anyone who either cannot lead the common life or is so self-sufficient as not to need to, and therefore does not partake of society, is either a beast or a god. ” Now, I don't think that anyone reading this is a god, nor do I think that you are a beast, you simply don't have the tools to be the social creature you deserve to be. Not everything here will apply to you, but as with all advice, take what works for you and leave the rest.

Now to get down to the down and dirty of being a human being in modern society.